Primary Tweets – Twitter 2009

Twitter, the online micro blogging service, was launched in July 2006 and I joined at the beginning of 2009.  It was only just starting to grow and my membership number suggests just under 19m others got there before me.  If you think that makes me a late starter consider that if you joined today you would be getting involved with something that [by Oct 2017] over 330 million have tried.

I recall that at the time the service felt fresh and new, lacking the cynicism and fame seeking of today’s model.  When I signed up I did not personally know anyone who used the site and on many occasions I was asked what it was about and why they should bother.

In those early days it seemed users were treated based on their own content and not their ability to retweet the content from others or by just simply being a celebrity in other fields.  You had to work to get a following.  Just being a ‘someone’ and posting a picture of your breakfast or requoting a glib phrase in a fancy font wouldn’t garner appreciation.

As a result I taught myself how to entertain and grow a following.  You will also note that I tried out different and novel ways to use the platform, although the increased growth in people using the platform and the ever growing number of celebrities opening accounts in the year meant that the original user base was quickly being sidelined and I found difficulty getting my own voice heard.

I felt proud of the contribution I made and wrote a story of my 2009 content postings.  I built the narrative to explain to non-service users why I had posted certain contemporaneous comments.  Although fairly comprehensive it is not a complete reposting of every Tweet that year.  You will need to visit my @vinceunlimited Twitter Feed to get absolutely everything.

Finally, for those without the time on their hands to read the whole story and just like the best of the best I have curated this list of my top ten best Tweets of 2009.  Based on my personal choice, not based on views, likes, comments or retweets. They are in no significant order other than date of posting.

Generally I’m a fan of predictive text. However, sometimes my worms come out all fanny and change the moaning completely

Damn. Just broke my Crystal Ball. It fell off the table. I didn’t see that coming

I said “Whats that?” She said “Its an age spot.” I said “Just the one?” It’s suddenly more frosty this morning

The instructions read ‘Store in a cool place’. Which explains why I was trying to get into Samuel Jackson’s movie trailor

Decided to form a band. Our unique theme will be that we’ll perform in cake shops. I guarantee that in five years we’ll be huge

My brother told me he is using chip fat to power his old diesel car. Reckons he gets 73 miles per potato

Male Polar Bear asks his girlfriend to wear heavy make up just for a change. She replies ‘I’m not pandering to you.’

They asked whether the apartment I rent out came with Sky. I said yes. Big blue thing just above the roof

…Sado-masochists Beat Themselves Into Second Place In Online Poll

I tried to get though the Tile Discount Store door but they had reduced it by 50%

Have I picked the ten best?  If you want to know the full and comprehensive story of my Tweets in 2009 go to my website at vinceunlimited.co.uk/twitter2009.htm or if you are using a mobile device try vinceunlimited.co.uk/twitter2009m.htm

Author: Vince Poynter
From the Twitter section of the vinceunlimited.co.uk website dated 27 Jul 2018
Tweets First published in Twitter during 2009

The vinceunlimited Room 101 Choices

The Worst Things Known to Man

Why 101?

The phrase ‘Top Ten’ is fairly commonly known.  Immediately on hearing this phrase the reader expects to read about the very finest.

Accordingly, the ‘Bottom Ten’ may infer the opposite, a list of such incongruous hideosity that only an Estate Agent wearing brown would be prepared to accept the contents.

George Orwell recognised, in his 1948 novel 1984, that the very worst was harboured deep within every person and suggested that this was to be found in Room 101.

He never told us what lurked in Room 102.  I suspect it may have been the 1971 Datsun Cherry Coupe.

Television took up Orwell’s theme and under the current [2006] stewardship of Paul Merton, produced a programme that allows guest celebrities to nit-pick the achievements and habits of others and ‘consign’ them to this fictitious centenary room.

I too will list out the worst offenders but have trouble confining the list to just ten.  That makes me a pessimist and shows I lack decisiveness.  In fact two qualities that should be in the Room!

But there are far better candidates.

Far Better Candidates

My first thought was that Room 101 should be in the room.

Wouldn’t life be so much nicer if there were no horrid things at all?

But then I pondered the fact that without dark there is no light, without pain there is no pleasure and without chocolate there is no point in living.

So then I thought that maybe just the door of Room 101 should be in The Room but this made me all existential and I had to meditate for a quarter of an hour.

So I decided that instead of placing all the most evil things in there I could send in some nice things.

I thought a mini-bar and salmon sandwich vending machine might be nice, along with a down-feather bed and TV with fresh batteries in the remote.  With all these little essentials sent into Room 101 it wouldn’t be so bad.

And if the list can have anything why not consign an exit door to The Room, then one could leave as soon as one entered.

But then I got all existential again and had to have a lie down.


Numero Uno – Smoking

The first item I must send to the one way room, without question, would be smoking.

And anything to do with this most rancid of pathetic habits, such as ashtrays, butt-ends, the stench that permeates everything and smokers themselves.

Now I know that this will thin out the populous somewhat and may remove many people who I know and love dearly [Yes. You mum!] so I would give an amnesty to anyone who gives up completely with immediate effect, then burns all their clothes, rugs, curtains, car headlining etc.

And don’t give me any tush about smoking in private places or wide open areas.  If everyone gave up, in time, we could smell out a smoker on the plains of Nullarbor.  When in France.

And the next time someone users the phrase ‘I’m just a Social Smoker’, I’ll reply “Is that like being a Social Paedophile?”  Then I’ll hit them.

P.S. This includes all forms of tobacco consumption and any stinky inhalation.  So no good claiming you are Jack Hargreaves, Winston Churchill or twittering on about the beneficial uses of cannabis.

If it alleviates pain then it should come from the doctor – in a tablet.


Two, Two – Trains

This section could open up a whole railroad of whinging and there are some that might put the whole rail industry in.

I’m not an advocate of such draconian measures as I think the rail system is a fantastic piece of engineering and so complex in its entirety it is hardly surprising that there are some rogue elements.

However a few things really bug me and I’ve selected small train seats.

To clarify, that is small seats on trains not seats on small trains.

We all live in an ever expanding universe and to be frank most of the population are a living microcosm of this procedure so the general population is now, let’s not beat around the bush, chubby.  No, let’s step right through the bush and out the other side – People are getting fat.  In fact so fat that I was going to confine them to Room 101 but they just wouldn’t get through the door.

As a result public train seats [are there any private trains?] should be more generously accommodating, not the width of a ten-year old girl addicted to vomiting.

Which leads me neatly into my next selection.


Three – Peanut Butter

It comes as some testament to a food product that it can make this list ahead of any other spicy concoction in the entire world.

In fact, if you look at this list carefully you won’t even find hunger.  I actually rank eating peanut butter worse than starvation!

Does anyone truly like the taste of this sickly, off-orange paste that masquerades as a luxury sandwich spread?

I personally think it is the worst thing to have ever passed between my lips – in either direction.

The obnoxious stench is about the only thing that is worse than stale smoke.

It cannot possibly be good for you, so isn’t it time some University did some research to link it to a disease so we can rid of it altogether?


Four – Bullies

Although the previous selection may divide some quarters of the community this choice should be universally applauded.

No one likes a bully, not even bullies themselves.

Personally I despise them so much I am unable to write anything humorous or clever about them.

They don’t deserve the wear on my keyboard.


Five – Photos of Children

Image of a light blue Peugeot 406 coupe travelling on a road
Yes. Precisely. Exactly the sort of chubby ugliness we don’t want to be finding on the desk at work

Referring to keyboards links me nicely to work, for I work mainly in offices and it is here that I find my next selection for the exitless Room.

And I propose to place in this Room all pictures of children posted in a workplace.

This isn’t because of some misplaced anti-paedo thing but the fact that a cutesy picture of little Lucy may be the bee-knees to its parent but to all others it is just a picture of a snotty-nosed, ugly little kid.

Most of these so called treasured items are pretty awful pictures that didn’t actually make it into the home family album because of the poor quality.  Often being washed out, out-of-focus and featuring the subject screwing up its nose.

If it isn’t good enough for the Tate then it’s tat and should be burnt.

The only redeeming facet of these atrocious snapshots is that they are better than the pathetic paintings that the kids do.

Despite what the mums and dads think most children are just talentless idiots whose idea of a house is a square with four windows, one placed in each corner extremity, and painted purple.

And if the defence is “He’s only five!” remind them that Beethoven was just seven when he first performed his own work in public.

And a final note – replacing the photo with the child itself is no better.

If you have just taken six months off to have a kid do not assume that all your female work colleagues want to see the sprog.

Remember that for the last six months they have all had to sweat buckets to cover for your prolonged absence, each doing more than ever before with no more pay but twice the stress.

You may have become adept at googling like a gibbering idiot but some still view new mothers as vacant Dormice with added sick patches.

Remember that the other girls are more interested in their latte cappuccinos and flirting outrageously with the photocopier engineer.

Much like you about a year ago.


Six – Parent and Child Parking Spaces

As if the paragraphs above were not enough to cause you to think I am not over keen on the smallest members of our society the inclusion of this subject into the Room may make you think again.

However, here I do not object to the users I am objecting to the suppliers.

A few years back one supermarket thought it a good advertising wheeze to include special Mother and Baby spaces to target that single group of potential shoppers.

The idea seemed morally sound as a designated space close to the door with good access for car loading was ideal.

The trouble was this marketing initiative wasn’t fully thought through.

The first problem is that success breeds copycat systems from all the competitors, so the original marketing initiative has now become a burdensome necessity.  Now it has become the norm so it is no longer an initiative.  All costs with the setting up, administration of the scheme and any negative issues have to be absorbed.

Another underlying problem, and here is where my gripe arises, is that by providing special access to one type of customer effectively sticks two fingers up at the rest.

I, like many other shoppers, am not in possession of a child so feel I am treated in a second-class way.

Why can’t I have a big parking space next to the door?  I have a big car that can be susceptible to damage from adjacent car doors and the store places signs up to offset responsibility so I want a big space.

Like many, I am in a hurry when shopping because I work and time is precious.  Why should all working people on tight timescales have to cross half an acre of car park, past all the mums who have all day to fiddle with their tot’s over-complex seat belt fixings.

Why should able bodied, but aged, pensioners have to walk further than young fit parents who actually have little wheeled vehicles to transport their bairns?

In fact some superstore layouts provide closer access for their parent and child schemes than for their disabled customers.

Praise be to the first Supermarket to get a grip and sort it out.


Seven – Hypocritical Censorship

My next subject to be dumped in the bin marked No Exit is the self-righteous, hypocritical nature of daily publications such as the Daily Mail/Mirror.

These papers are deeply riled that The Sun sells more papers than they do and try to set themselves above other Red Top rags by claiming morale high ground.

However their stance is severely undermined by the fact that they too are obsessed by the same subject as the rest of us – sex.

This means that these publications have eight page spreads decrying loosening moral standards in society then place huge pictures of sexy, semi-naked models on other pages for no reason other than titillation.

One reason The Sun outsells the others is because it is, in its way, more honest about it’s readership’s tastes.

However, I despair that here in the 21st Century, more than a hundred years since the stifling Regina Victoria died, we still pussyfoot about de-censuring nakedness and our best selling newspaper continues to use vacuous, airbrushed, topless women to help shift copy.

Why can’t papers such as the Daily Mail decide on one stance in the matter?

Either you hate any form of sexual expression, no matter how trivial, or you love to celebrate of the beauty of the human body.

Polarity is fine, but not in the same breath.

Every paper should decide where they stand and stick with their decision.


Eight – Geek Add-ons

Another form of censorship that would not exist in my ideal world would be electronic media that is only accessible by geeks and there are two prime contenders.

The first is electronic games with levels that are only accessed by proficient players.

If I pay fifty quid for a driving game I want to be able to drive all the cars, whenever I want.

I don’t want to have to go through multiple levels and earn my right to play parts of the game.  My fifty-quid gave me that right.

I don’t spend hours and hours playing and re-playing until my fingertips swell and eyes bleed.  I barely use the game more than once or twice so I want to drive the big fast Ferrari straight away – with the accessory chrome wheels fitted.

My second gripe is of a similar nature – DVD Easter Eggs.

This is the naff term used by DVD compilers for accessing sections of the disk that are not immediately available from the menu screens.

Some are so hidden that only geeks trawling specialised websites for input codes can access them.

For instance, did you know that if you hover your curser over Bruce Willis’ watch in the scene where he thumps Alan Rickman in Die Hard, then press FF, Skip, 865 you enter a special DVD section where you can access another twenty-six minutes of the helicopter gunship approach?

Try it.  Only it won’t work because I’ve just made all of that up to give you an idea of how exciting then infuriating it can be.

Let’s face it in my little way I have paid for those damn 26 minutes and I want it menued clearly when I first spin my disk.

Or rather, straight after that boring screen about piracy which you can’t fast-forward…oops.  I’m spiralling into another Room 101 entry there if I’m not careful.


Nine – Weather Forecasts

Another Room 101 entry is Weather Forecasts.

I acknowledge that I am English and therefore deeply and utterly obsessed about the weather.  However the profusion of forecasting is getting out of hand.

Whatever media form you use this black art is always prominent and in such detail.

I suggest that we never ever need to know the temperature, the humidity, the wind-speed, its direction and the pollen count.

Nobody ever says “Gosh the barometric pressure feels like one thousand and fifteen millibars today.  Must get outside and enjoy that with the wife tonight.”

All we ever need to know is – “Is it going to bloody rain?”


Ten – Ten

Why is it that we always have an obsession with number ten?

Okay, we have ten fingers and ten toes and our counting system is decimal.  But I refuse to let the obsession with ten rule.

Ten is to go in Room 101.

Which I suppose draws this list to an end.

Author: Vince Poynter
From the Top Ten section of the vinceunlimited.co.uk website dated 4 Jun 2018
First Published:
 Version 2.03 in Jun 2006
The photograph shows the author on a beach on the Isle Of Wight taken around summer 1964.  It was first added to the article in Version 3 in Mar 2010
The Room 101 [aka Room 101 – Extra Storage] TV programme is a BBC Comedy television series produced by Hat Trick Productions which is now on it’s twelfth series and is currently hosted by Frank Skinner.  George Orwell got the idea of describing Room 101 after a tedious meeting with the BBC in such a named room

Stephen Fry also proposed putting Room 101 into Room 101 during one of his appearances on the TV show.  I do not know when that was broadcast and was not aware of it at the time of my own comment
Notice my use of the phrase ‘twittering on’ in item one.  This has taken on a slightly revised meaning since the rise in use and popularity of Twitter.  However in this context no reference to posting on Twitter should be inferred.  Particularly as Twitter was only launched in March 2006.  Thankfully my phrases ‘whinging’, ‘googling’ and ‘gibbering’ have not come to mean anything else.  Except googling of course

Top Ten Musical Acts

Aural affections from 2005/6

Everyone, it seems, has an opinion on music and much can be discerned from the aural choices of an individual.

No doubt that many will view my list with distain and never speak to me again as I didn’t highlight a Goth artist or because a particular band are in the list. But it is my list and at least you don’t have to listen to them here.

And thank your lucky stars that you are not subjected to the song that my partner and I share as ‘our song’. Sadly, it is Leo Sayer’s ‘Have You Ever Been In Love?’ Well, it was in the charts at the time.

Below I have listed out my favourite artists, rather than favourite songs.

I know that as soon as I finish a list of songs a radio or CD play reminds me of one that I had ‘forgotten’, such is the quality of good music available. Because of this bands and groups are easier to list.

Plus the list cannot be dominated by one or two artists which would have the effect of making me look like a fan. Or stalker.

The less drunk and more observant will notice a complete lack of Folk, Jazz or Country artists and suggest this list is from the mind of a philistine.

Others may cite the lack of Hard Rock, Rap or Grunge and suggest this is the list of an impassionate bore.

Some may even ask why Christian music isn’t featured. At least that group should forgive me.


 

ABBA

Often dismissed as simple pop this band’s work is starting to become recognised for its true genius.

If producing sounds that seem so simple is so easy then why were they not copied and re-invented by countless others?

The reason is that these melodic songs are actually crafted by really talented musicians and performed by artists that knew the extra delight that can be had when the lyrics are actually comprehensible.

Simplicity has never been so complex.

And, because you just need to know – the blonde in the seventies, now the redhead (no, I’m not talking Bjorn and Benny).


 

The Beautiful South

Although there are at least three principle voices that take turns in leading the vocals it is still possible to discern a Beautiful South song from others because of their unique style.

Crystal clear, smooth, well matched vocals bringing life to interestingly written lyrics make the middle of the road a great place to listen.


 

The Carpenters

The excellent sounding voices of Melanie Chisholm and Dido are knocked off this list as they cannot compete with the great female voice in The Carpenters.

The more I hear about them the more I actually notice the genius behind the beautiful, soulful seventies music.

Brother Richard was instrumental in the instrumentals and gave direction to sister Karen’s dreamy, mellow voice.

Sounds good when played on any source but mesmerising when played by a quality system.


 

Dire Straits

I pity the younger generation.

They have Busted and McFly, who although make excellent guitar-based music, can hardly compare to the greats of the seventies and Dire Straits are one band whose work immediately came to mind.


 

Elton John

Elton John has been writing and performing excellent songs with his lyricist Bernie Taupin for as long as I have been listening and he continues to provide top class albums, both singly and branching out into collabrations with new bands plus different genres such as film and theatre scores.

Importantly, unlike other seventies superstars his greatest hits do not all come from one era.

Yes, that includes you Cliff.

As a prediction I think his best work is yet to come and it will be stunning.

In case there is any doubt I mean Elton – not Cliff.


 

Meatloaf

With the exception of Status Quo Meatloaf would probably be the most embarassing artist to admit to liking in my list.

Many would baulk at the idea and see him as an overweight has-been rocker but I think he would enjoy that thought.

After decades of collecting enough LPs, CDs, DVDs, attending concerts and taking an interest in his other work I might be accused of actually being a fan.

So why? – The answer probably lies in a fairly unknown man called Jim Steinman who writes all of his hits with an expressive passion I can only admire.

All coupled with Meat’s humourous, tongue in cheek, theatrical delivery.

And ’cause I’m a biker all revved up with no place to go.


 

Queen

Again, showing my age as well as appreciation for the era Queen is selected for their classic tracks.

Like so many it has taken me some time to really appreciate their work, so long that their main man, Freddie Mercury, has now departed.

I don’t harbour regrets but if I did the most prominent would be that I didn’t go to one of their live shows in the seventies ‘because it was a bit expensive.’

What price now?


 

Robbie Williams

Most true superstars come from the sixties, seventies and eighties.

These were eras before the modern concept of manufactured fame (before you bore me with that story about The Monkees, name another).

Robbie Williams however has broken the mould.

The fat kid from the most famous manufactured band has risen like an erupting super-volcano and shown the world how it used to be done.

As I can hardly name more than three Robbie tracks his inclusion in this list is down to superstardom alone and I bow to it.


 

Status Quo

People dismiss them as a one-chord wonder but what a chord.

Toe-tapping enough to feature over many decades.

So famous now that they have featured on Coronation Street.

The Quo were my favourites when I cared about the colour of my Denim and grew my hair long.

To be honest not a lot has changed since.


 

Tchaikovsky

I thought I might elevate the list somewhat with my final choice.

I have never been a big fan of classical music as I find it too involving to become entwined in my soul.

However I love a good rousing crescendo and Tchaikovsky does it best.

Author: Vince Poynter
Updated as the Top Tens section of the vinceunlimited.co.uk website dated 7 Jun 18
First published on the website in Mar 2005

My 2005 Top Ten Vehicles

21st Century Travelling

Maybe you were transported here by a strange new time machine, or even from another computer.  Any how you came you are welcome to read why I have chosen the next ten vehicles as my favourite of all time.

It is an eclectic mix of transport that I have either used or lusted after with envy.

Cyclists will note that I have not included a bicycle in the list.  After all cycle technology is now futuristic and sexy so I could forgive a lack of motorised power.  However I refuse to forgive saddle technology until I can actually ride a bicycle further than ten metres.

Of course, when compiling a list like this the rejected ones are nearly as interesting.

For instance you may wonder how I could have a list like this and not include a Ferrari.  Easy really, there’s none there.  A few may qualify on the grounds of looking fantastic but underneath is just a lightweight Fiat.  I’m not fooled, nor are many of the owners.  Check out the Owner’s Documents on any used Ferrari and you will be surprised to see so many names.  The hype doesn’t live up to the reality.  Great red though but this isn’t a favourite list of colours.

Keeping on the subject of cars, in the past I’ve swooned over the fantastically brutish Aston Martin Vantage and may still get one yet but how could I include a car that if a generous benefactor offered me a swap for any Aston from any time I’d really have no second thoughts about choosing the brand new, phenomally quick and beautiful DB9.

Some of the DB9’s details are cheaper than a crate of canaries although I’ve never been one to turn down a beauty because of a few small imperfections.  Mole on Demi Moore?  So what.

Another plus would be: “Blonde, James Blonde”. What a great introduction.

As you will be able to tell generally I’m not into classic vehicles.  I’d rather own a modern Bentley Arnarge than a 4½ litre supercharged model from the 1920s.  Unless I can sell it of course.  Plus, impressive that the 4½ litre Bentley behemoth is the most attractive classic car has to be the Jaguar SS100.  But still not as good as a couple of dozen modern vehicles.

I love bikes, it’s in my genes, whether I currently have a bike or not.  It’s all to do with the lack of a cycle when I was young and the freedom that my first moped rides brought me.  So I need to include bikes in this ultimate vehicles list and the Ducati 900 Monster was one of the first that I thought of. The reason why this strange naked retro was considered is that it re-vitalised my interest in bikes in the nineteen nineties.

I hadn’t had a bike for a while and the squared-off eighties styling never persuaded me to renew my interest.  The Monster 900 was a breath of fresh air.  It seemed so stylish and raw with an exposed engine and trellis frame it made me want two wheels again.  Thinking back, I can’t think why I brought a Yamaha Diversion 900 instead.

Oh yes. Italian electrics, Ducati clutches and a saving of about two grand.  And when you are able to make a choice based on such trivial reasons the original option doesn’t really deserve to be in a top ten.

And second best is why I cannot include a First Class dining experience aboard a ferry.  As you can tell from other entries I do like being spoilt.  So many cannot handle an obsequious waiter or fawning Maitre-d but I’m willing to be waited on hand and foot.  It’s not a case of being better than those who serve but the fact that it makes a pleasant change.  I’ll happily have a beer with the waiter afterwards.

A First Class dining experience on board a ferry, such as the cross channel version is a thoroughly pleasant way of passing the time.  But two reasons keep it off the top ten.  Firstly, the QE2 is infinitely better and secondly the QE2 doesn’t end up in France!

My final rejection is an oxymoron.  No, not the Ford 2-litre Oxymoron, but a genuine oxymoron from an age where such a beast could exist.  A cute war-plane.

Nowadays war planes are stunning, agile weapons of mass destruction but back in the 1920s at the dawn of flight the planes were not overly effective.  However, one stands out above the others, including the Red Baron’s exciting Fokker Tri-plane.

The Sopwith Camel first came into my life as a child.  If you were born a male in the late fifties or early sixties you would be familiar with Airfix kits.  Plastic self-build models that filled many a wet weekday after school.  They are still available but this tactile hobby, along with most other hands-on experiences, have become side-lined by the ubiquitous electronic games.  This is a shame as building a model is a very satisfying skill and I still fondly remember the first one I built – a Sopwith Camel.

This little bi-plane had all the ingredients of a favoured vehicle.  The styling was right with the curved leading edge to the wings, dual forward gun synchronised with the propeller and rounded tail plane.  A cute war plane, such an oxymoron.

So, onto the actual vehicles making my top-ten.


1969 Cooper F1 car

Photograpgh of a slightly tatty yellow and white Cooper racing car with steering operated from a leaning driver and a high rear wing
My toy racing car.  The wing on this model was set too high in this version, based on a late season entry.  So it now looks rubbish

Formula 1 racing has always held a certain appeal.  The fast cars, obscene money and glamorous locations keep the sport in my mind even if the last few years Schmedious results have kept it off my TV.  So it is natural that I should include a car from this pinnacle of motor sports.

I suppose it is a symptom of age that despite the obvious appeal of modern cars there is an era of racing that seems more glorious and it dates around the time I first got an interest in the sport.  I have chosen the Cooper F1 from the 1969 season as it was this car that, to me, epitomises open wheel racing.

The rear tyres look properly wide, the engine is exposed and the newly added wings were just right.  I like the front spoiler jutting from the actual nose and the rear spoiler was better looking mounted low on the engine.

I’ve never driven one, nor am I likely to as the price of classic F1 racers nearly match their modern counterparts but I can dream.


Aerial Atom

A black Ariel Atom stood in front of a red Jaguar XJ8
An Ariel Atom with my Jaguar XJ8 in the background.  I might need to take a moment

My next choice is not so far away from the car above and is probably chosen because of the similarities.  But instead of a having to be Ray Parlour’s wife to afford a classic F1 motor this blatant facsimile costs a more reasonable £30-40k.  Still a lot of money for a weekend car with no panels but well comparable with its natural opposition.

I love the Atom’s Meccano build and raw energy and can personally testify to its ability to deliver the goods that the look promises.  Short on comfort but very long on desire, the Atom deserves its place in this illustrious crowd.


Bentley Arnarge

Nearly as quick as the Aston but with seats like a Business Class jet and the torque to match.  I have never experienced power like the Bentley Arnarge delivers and in back to back tests with its bigger brother the Continental it wins on every count, including saving £100k.  The Continental may have the classic looks but I’m sure I can find an Arnarge to beat it.

The best car in the world.  Full stop.

Note that a full appraisal of my time with a Bentley Arnage will eventually be posted on this website


Concorde

My first aeronautical choice is probably in the list of everyone who has ever seen the Concorde.  Breathtakingly beautiful, stunningly quick and well out of the reach of the hoi-poli.  Marvellous.

The only problems are it’s cramped interior and that it has disappeared from our skies.

Worth every bit of pollution.

In the top ten? No doubt at all.


Dakota

A Far Eastern Airlines branded metal polished Douglas DC-3 hanging in the Smithsonian Museum
A Douglas DC-3 hanging in the Smithsonian Museum

The second most beautiful plane in the world [see above] hails from the time just before the second world war but its lines are just so perfect.  I love the fat fuselage, strong wing arrangements, classic twin prop design and sturdy tail.

Still operating in many places around the world today the McDonnell Douglas DC-3, known as a Dakota in the UK, is living proof that if it looks right then it probably is right.

I’ve yet to catch a flight in one of these beauties but guess that the reality doesn’t quite live up to the glamour.  Particularly as I’ll probably be in South America when I get a go in one.


Eurostar Best Class

I’m not much of a train buff.  For many years I rarely travelled on one thinking they were too expensive and inconvenient.  Also, with 8 miles between my home and the nearest station, thanks to Beecham’s cuts in the 60s, I never had cause to use them.

Not that I had no contact, my wife spent most of her career with a railway company and we took advantage of the odd subsidised trip.

Things have changed recently though as I now work mainly in London and the train is the only viable option.  I estimate that I have travelled over one hundred and fifty thousand miles sat on a train.  This experience, in all its sordid glory is why a trip on the Eurostar in the best carriages is such a delight.

I have travelled three times in First Class and on every occasion I have thought it most pleasant.  The large seats, at seat service and quiet comfort is reminiscent of travel tales of old.

Just don’t think that the modern version of First Class is the same.  For some peculiar reason, probably to do with the French translation, Business Class is the new premier travelling style and ‘mere’ First Class is a poor relation.

Now, how do I say ‘contravenes the Trade’s Description Act’ in French?


Honda CBX Moto Martin

A brown Moto Martin CBX motorbike
A Moto Martin CBX.  In brown.  Brilliant

The first bike in my top ten list is a hybrid vehicle and I’m not talking dual fuel.

In the late seventies Honda produced the stunning CBX with its fantastic transverse six cylinder engine.  Wider than a Cockney car salesman with a penchant for iced buns this behemoth was a dream machine.

Except two problems.  One, was the name.  Now Honda is a make to be respected for its engineering excellence and reliability but much like my Miele washing machine I don’t exactly look at the product with love.  The other problem with the CBX was the handling – the stock Japanese flexi-frames could never harness the engine outputs at the time.

Moto Martin, a small French custom builder came to the rescue by taking the engine and putting it in a stylish trick frame mounted with swoopy body parts with twin-headlamps.  All par for the course today but 30 years ago this was enough to make me tear out the advert and hang it on my wall.  Praise indeed.


Jaguar XJ

I own one.

Need I say more?

Note that a full appraisal of my Jaguar XJ8 4.0 will eventually be posted on this website


QE2

Who wouldn’t be impressed with one of the traditional Queens of the sea?

I have travelled the Atlantic on the QE2 and can confirm it is all that you would expect, then more.  One trip and I’m a confirmed cruise fan.  A tall order for the QM2 replacement to beat.

For more details about my experience on this most magnificent of vehicles see my separate story.  And be prepared to be jealous.

Note that a full appraisal of my time onboard the QE2 has already been posted on this website [8 Dec 2017]


Vincent Black Shadow

The author squatting down next to an immaculate Vincent Black Shadow motorbike
The two Vincents.  Vince and a Vincent Rapide.  The rarer Black Shadow was similar but faster with a black enamelled engine casing

Last, but not least, this list would be incomplete without the vehicle I was actually named after.  My father told me this, whilst saying I should have been grateful that he didn’t like Francis Barnetts.

Although this bike now looks a little quirky I am actually quite proud to be named after such a phenomenal bike from the nineteen fiftes, with a great reputation amongst those that know such things.

If only I could afford one now.  Think multiple grands.  And then some.

Fantastic name though.

Author: Vince Poynter
From the petrolhead section of the vinceunlimited.co.uk website dated 23 Jan 2018
First Published: Version 1.03 in Feb 2005 and reproduced here in full, unedited
The images all taken by the author, except the one he is in.  Obvs