Dead Centre

It’s logic Jim, but not as we know it.

Where can you find me? Only at the centre of the universe. That’s where.

It is a brave statement indeed to make a claim that I can be found at the centre of the universe. Even more foolhardy to state that I can prove it. But I am and I can.

Firstly you need to understand and accept the concept of infinity. It is quite easy this bit. Infinity in terms of distance is a very long way away, then a bit more. Kind of like further than that beer on the coffee table when you are slumped in front of the TV. Even further away than your chances of dating a Hollywood megastar, unless you are another Hollywood megastar of course. Or a film producer. Or a thousand dollar hooker of course. Anyway, you get the picture. Infinity is such a huge number that when applied to distances I wouldn’t like to drive it – Not without a comfort stop.

Now, if I were to move forward, as far as possible, to the edge of infinity it would take me…? Let’s see, about the same time as it would if I were to move backwards at the same rate to the edge of infinity. I shall call that time X. No, I won’t, I’ll call it Gerald, other people always call it X.

Anyway, in Gerald, travelling at a constant speed I could reach the edge of infinity from any direction I please. Infinity is the same distance, up, down, front, back or even sideways. Whether you are on a pushbike, in a sidecar or a space shuttle travelling at twenty six times the speed of Gerald.

If this is the case I must surely be right slap-bang in the centre – Of the Universe. Point proved.

Now, all I have to do is prove that I’m also immortal. That one could take some time.

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Guilt Ridding

Silence is said to be golden.

But it doesn’t help move things on much so I’m busting the guilt and will be shortly issuing a few key posts.

But you will have to read them aloud, as they will be delivered by page not noise.  And if you don’t add the sound they will remain silent.  And this cannot be so as they are key matters.

But not as in door latches.

Soon.

Tempus Fudgedit

Whoa!  What happened there?  Just as I was tucking into the breakfast of 2015 it’s all of a sudden way past the midnight snacks of 2016 and 2017 has begun.  Did I miss anything important?

I do hope that Britain hasn’t voted for something daft, that America has elected a calming President, my Volkswagon will pass it’s MoT and no one I knew died.

But it’s no good dwelling on the past. We’ve got some right here and now to attend to.  So, let’s check up on how I did with my 2015 promises.  Well, in a word – bloggerall.

And for 2016.  Err.. Can I pass on that one?

So I better let bygones be neverwasses and concentrate on my plans for 2017.

I have broken out a new WordPress theme and looked at ways of expanding my site to a faux website with all my previous content stuffed into various pages and lists on drop down menus. However, this would be unyieldly and I can’t work out how to use tags within the pages to aide category searching.  So I have to resort to the olde worlde method of individual posts.

So the plan is… No, I’m not going down that route. You know what happens if I do that.

“I may be back.  Possibly.” To misquote a terminator.

A Resolution

Hello blog readers, Happy New Year.

Time has just turned into 1995, or 2012, or 2015, that’s it, it’s recently become 2015.  I hope you are ‘aving a luverly one.  Me, I’m doing my usual at this time of year and thinking about the future and what it will bring.  Or more importantly, as required by inspiring American Presidential speeches, what I can bring to it.

As is traditional at this time of the year many thoughts are turned to the ideology of making brave promises, such as getting fitter, travelling more, being sarcastic to fewer Black Rhinoceroses, that sort of thing.  So, who am I to buck this trend?

Yes, I kinda want to do these things but more importantly I want to do more stuff.  I want to do more content creation.

You will already be aware that I’m that type of soul.  A giver.  A provider.  A right old show off.

You know I occasionally blog and that I have started a podcast, plus if you’ve scanned the page you’ll know I have a reasonably active, non ‘RT’ing Twitter account and a public Instagram photo feed and you might also have been inquisitive enough to discover that I have put a limited number of videos onto YouTube.  All good content creationy stuff so far.  But I want to go even further and I’m using this very public notice board to declare an interest in getting more stuff out there.

So, a resolution for the year, which as it’s in writing and on pixels etc won’t be able to be broken at all.  In the forthcoming twelve months I plan to… sorry, hope to… sorry may…

Do at least twenty more blog posts

Write, record, then re-record because I fluffed a word or two, then publish six more podcasts

Write, create and publish six comedy videos or vodcasts or maybe even videocasts then publish these to my YouTube account

Be sarcastic to no Black Rhinos whatsoever, no matter how much they goad me

Turn one of my ‘songs’ into a real song with actual music and stuff, written and recorded to match the lyrics I’ve already done so that at least one doesn’t just look like a lame poem

Finish the book I started writing in November 2014 year which was abandoned in November 2014  by which I mean do all the chapters and not just turn it into a Novella.  Then get it published in the iTunes bookstore for proof and actual purchase and stuff

So, That is the plan.  How I’m going to achieve all this, what with all my getting fitter and travelling more, nobody knows?  But there is no going back now.  No, seriously, there isn’t.  Time doesn’t work that way.  So onto some writing, recording, videoing, novelising, singing and more.

I just hope the singing doesn’t threaten the Rhinos.  Thankfully they do have a tough skin.

Podcast 17

Hi guys, Just a quick note to apologise for not issuing a podcast yesterday. In theory I should have been able to do a dozen or more as I’ve taken a week off work to spend more time with my tech. However the process of bringing a new laptop into the world whilst simultaneously decommissioning an older model plus doing the same for my phone and tablet has put my content creation skills on hold for a while. I may blog about the experience some day. I may not. I think you know me well enough by now to know that nothing is predictable. Including now, when the next podcast will come out. Please bear with me or alternatively use a subscription service to get notified of release. Either via this site, or via iTunes (search ‘vinceunlimited’ and laugh out loud at the other options they give before settling on the one actually called vinceunlimited). Either that or email me direct. Or post me a letter. Or kidnap my daughter. Or hire a light aircraft with a message tied to its tail and buzz me consistently until I surrender and issue the next instalment. Now I’m seeing the clearer picture. It’s in your hands not mine. It’s not my fault at all. Cheers, Vince

All White

As you may have noticed I’ve been fiddling with my format again, but don’t worry it will be all white.

I felt I needed to freshen things up a little and in line with modern design have decided to forgo the previous skeumorphism in favour of a neater, simpler look.

I’m not alone. This sanitisation has been happening all over the place from interior design to computer operating systems.

Ironically, with their new, lessy fussy environment designer’s minds have been freed to experiment more radically and along with the availability of cheaper and simpler manufacturing, general designs have become more ambitious. Less simple. Take a look at some modern upmarket watches or maybe car headlight design for instance.

I’m hoping this new approach will help me as well. So look forward to more exciting content soon.

Zoopla

This summer Zoopla are currently running an advertising campaign. That’s fine. That’s their inalienable right. They have to do it. Get and keep their name out there. Build some business.

As you can see they have gone for a unique tact. Great, that’s what they should do. In this case the idea of smart as a conceit. Well done Zoopla. Where did you get that idea from?

Yes come on? Where did you get that idea?

Well I suspect it was your advertising agency. I can picture the meeting now. All stripy shirts, coloured braces, goatee beards and over enthusiastic shouting. With them selling you this unique idea of smart as a conceit.

But where did they get this from? Was it my blog post on 19 July 2012, I wonder?

Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

But acknowledgement is the most honourable.

And reward the most appreciated.

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The Ups & Downs

Ladles and gentlepens. Apologies if you have been checking my WordPress site recently and have been seeing strange things. That is, stranger than my normal posts.

You see, I used to have a full website full of words, ideas, opinions, thoughts writing, quotes and stuff all of which I hand coded. Clever me. However it was all a bit texty and pre-2005 so I transferred it all to Apple’s own Web publisher some time ago and added some pretty images to lessen the impact.

Unfortunately Apple never moved on with iWeb so it too became out of date and not very Web two point zero. Plus no other site wanted to talk with it. It’s life had come to an end and following an unrelated falling out with my hoster it all passed away.

Determined not to let my public down I started WordPressing. Particularly as the blog model was overtaking the personal site in internetland.

However, I still harboured an underlying desire to return to full sitery. I cherish my historic content and further I have a growing interest in podcasting and you need a base from which to launch your voice onto an unsuspecting public.

So I have been investigating the possibility of using this WordPress pad to base my online empire. But have hit a wall.

If you have been getting auto-updates from this site you may have seen some pages come and now go. This is because I have experimented with uploading sheaves of historic content here. But it all failed at the fourth picture upload. So it’s clearly not the way for me to go.

Looks like I am going to have to find a proper text editor, update my HTML5 skills and do a crash course in CSS.

I’ll let you know when it’s ready. Expect my call in 2017.

I would be interested in learning how others do it. I am aiming for a Web 2.0 site with clickable icons, multi-paged, commonly themed website with photo and audio uploads. It needs to be created by an iOS device (iPad or iPhone) as I am aiming to move away from the desktop/laptop model. It must be future proofed, so not some fly-by-night App. I own my domain, have coded in HTML and have sorted hosting so only need a web developer tool or decent text editor. Any help will be appreciated. By which you are not to assume recompensed.

And I won’t fiddle with my WordPress again.