Fiction By Vince
The following article was originally written for the radio format. However only your imagination prevents use elsewhere. I, for instance will use it later to prop open the door to get some fresh air.
The piece was written as a submission for a BBC radio writing request held during the 2006 football World Cup. In all the BBC received over 1100 entries but the BBC decided against entering it into the final so, in sympathy, my beloved England team did the same. I think. It is only two to three minutes in length so it should not take you long to judge for yourself whether they were the mutts nuts or the dog doo-dahs.
As the author, I, not the BBC, own the copyright to this entry and will defend my right to the © If you wish to distribute, perform or publish this article have the decency to contact me first. However, if you wish to link others to this webpage then I shall feel honoured.
Also, look out for other submissions I made using the titles ‘The Ball’, ‘The Driver’ and ‘Turnstile Girl’.
Something’s going on, I’m sure of that.
It’s the little things that you notice, like all the rushing around and the general buzz of excitement.
Something’s going on, I’m sure of that.
It’s the little things that you notice, like all the rushing around and the general buzz of excitement. Little things, like them coming home early but then not having dinner until late. It may be alright for them but I’m a regular sort. I like things as they were yesterday, as they were last week, last month. It’s mad enough at weekends and at holidays such as Christmas, but at least I get extra grub at these times. Right now I’m just being completely ignored and I’m not best pleased.
I’m aware that they all like to sit and stare aimlessly at that strange, noisy box in the corner of the room and mostly I’m happy with that. After all, getting my own head down is a skill I’ve mastered to a fine art. Those lazy hours can always be punctuated with the odd wander around for a bit of attention, or if I’m feeling a little mischievous I can always pretend to snore… Or fart.
This is different though. My dinner’s late, my stomach rumblings are genuine and every time I even get near that noisy box someone yells out quite unnecessarily loudly. Only yesterday I nosed over to see what all the fuss was about and I got a flying slipper for my trouble. Even my failsafe lay out on my back with my ears flat out and legs in the air doesn’t seem to attract their attention. But worst of all, now I want to go.
There may be tension in this room, rising and pitching like someone just found a key to a huge secret larder, then lost it again, but for me all the tension is in my bladder and it just keeps rising and rising. I learnt a long time ago not to use this room and that it really was in my best interests to wait until I go out. But I’ve waited nearly ninety minutes and there is no sign that anyone wants to go ‘Walkies’.
Mind you, just now, even when I do get out in the park for a bit of a run there are always far too many kids there. All of them running around, kicking a huge ball and shouting at each other quite a lot. I wouldn’t mind if I they let me join in but when I try they seem to get so upset then pretend I’m the ball and try to kick me. Not that they stand a chance against my speed and manoeuvrability. And what is it with this ‘Rooney’ name they shout?
I really hope this state of affairs doesn’t drag on all summer. In this heat that pungent smell of canned lager in this room is starting to overwhelm my sensitive nostrils.
What on earth can obsess these people so strongly?
It’s only been two weeks but I’m starting to think that if anyone else pointlessly shouts out ‘Come on Engerland’ I’ll bloody well bite them.
Author: Vince Poynter
From the Fiction section of the vinceunlimited.co.uk website dated 22 Jun 2018
First Published: Version 2.04 in Dec 2006
Written July 2006 and submitted to the BBC as part of a radio script submission request