Bloody Foreigners

[How timely, another blog from the archives, first published in the middle of a past football World Cup competition.  In 2006]

I would like to blame an exciting World Cup competition for not updating my blog for a while.

Unfortunately no one team seems to have really produced anything remotely like a beautiful game which makes England’s quarter-final exit against Portugal even more frustrating.

As ever with an England defeat those responsible are being lined up for critical analysis and Portugal’s Christiano Ronaldo seems to be taking centre stage in the blame arena.

The vitriol being dished out by email [and presumably other media if I could be bothered to read it] is diminishing my view that he was the best player on the pitch that day.

He had no support from his lack-lustre colleagues but performed his part well, even successfully antagonising England’s most short tempered player.

It may be an ugly part of the beautiful game but viewed as a world-wide sport only Englishmen seem to want to play with honour.

Is it time to join them?

I’ve decided to take the initiative so next time I pass my client in the office I’m going to throw myself to the floor and yell ‘Compensation!’.


Today a colleague of mine complained about a noisy neighbour.

This individual has apparently been creating havoc in her neighbourhood by driving fast with loud music playing.

As if this wasn’t enough this Mediterranean individual has a provocative ‘Italian Stallion’ bumper sticker.

I suggested she get a black marker and overwrite ‘Tony the Pony’.

Author: Vince Poynter
From the Sports and Blog sections of the vinceunlimited.co.uk website dated 15 Jun 2018
First Published: Version 2.03 on 6 Jul 2006

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Speak To The Nation

A voice for all seasons

[written 2006]

Each decade seems to have its own individuality.  Examples like the 1950s Rockers, the 1980’s excess, even the 1890’s engineering.

However the 2000’s are too young and incomplete to judge but early indications are that the time we are living now may well be remembered as the time of celebrity.

In fact, a particular brand of publicly available, disposable celebrity that every young person seems to think is their inalienable right.

And I think maybe a little known Dutch company is to blame.

Endemol Productions devised Big Brother almost a decade ago but now its tentacles spread far and wide.  The phenomenon continues unabated and promises the dream of ‘being somebody’ to everyday nobodies.

The never ending contestants’ limitless desire to achieve a career [read richies] out of merely being known is almost eqaully matched by our own natural voyerism into these real-life soap operas.

So endemic is the problem that natural talent is being side-lined for manufactured pop-culture.

A good example of this is the huge list of singing competitions.  In the past to be a songbird usually meant teaming up with a writer and creating something, not rearranging someone else’s work.

And as a writer this gnarls at my groin.

It’s time to fight back and I’ll do it in my old traditional way – by joining them!

Although scathing about the concept of fame TV I actually have a desire to be part of it.

I too am seduced by the promise of eeking out an easy living and would relish the lightweight, unearned adoration that entails the lifestyle.  Cheap, but desireable nonetheless.

But Reality TV producer’s don’t come knocking at the door, at least not mine, so I need to get positive and the way I propose is to propose a way.

My idea is to set up a few video booths around the country and invite anybody who cares to leave any message they want.

They would be stationed in public squares, parks and stations and be the twenty-first century version of speaking at Hyde Park corner.

The messages will be recorded and sifted by a team of editors to extract the interesting from the banal, with the best featuring on a weekly programme.

Some may choose to record daily dairies, others may vent their spleen, but most will just be childish giggling and vociferous slang.

Not to worry, talent and interest will shine through and there will be gold amongst the dross.

I know you are now thinking that this has been done before.  After all, even the failed contestants of some singing shows get their chance to prove in a video booth why they were not selected the first time round.  So why would this format be successful?

The answer is money.

The twist would be that it would cost a nominal amount to record the message.  The booths would operate only on the basis of fiscal intercourse.

In the same way that TV companies love programmes that force viewers to pay by voting on a telephony device, producers would love a TV system that pays for itself to be made.

All I need now is a TV Production Company and I’ll be able to share the decade with the Dutch.

Author: Vince Poynter
From the Ideas section of the vinceunlimited.co.uk website dated 13 Jun 2018
First Published:
 Version 2.03 in Jun 2006
‘Big Brother’ is a fly on the wall style documentary TV programme whereby miked up participants, chosen by their personalities and looks are grouped to live close to each other in a house surrounded by cameras to capture their every movement and conversation.  The footage is edited to entertain and as time progresses the viewers get a chance to vote out the least interesting characters thereby ending with a winner who receives a cash award
If you are thinking this idea is just YouTube which is a widely used free service please note that I offered this idea in Jun 2006.  YouTube was only founded as a web address in Feb 2005 and it took a few months to get funding and wasn’t formally launched until Dec of that year.  In mid 2006 it wasn’t that well known, certainly not by me.  In fact it wasn’t until 2010 that I uploaded my first video to YouTube

Poignant Verse

Thoughtful Verse

Doctor

I wish I were a doctor
Then I’d know what’s wrong with me
I’d use science and medicine
Not hypochondriary

Santa

Santa came round every year
One day he wasn’t there
It isn’t that he left me out
I just grew too old to care

Sun

Every day I saw the sun
One day there was no light
It wasn’t that the sun went out
It’s just I lost my sight

Weather

The weather outside is foul
I wish I were ten again
I used to see the puddles
Now all I see is rain

Author: Vince Poynter
From the Poems section of the vinceunlimited.co.uk website dated 8 Jun 2018
First Published:
 Version 2.03 in Jun 2006

Coloured Chocolate

Colourscrumptious

For years my favourite colour was brown.  Even now I cannot decide on a suitable replacement.

Red seems so obvious and more interesting colours like burnt orange are too obscure and would mean I would spend all my time explaining why I chose that hue.

But brown is considered so bland.  It is the colour of the country when all the lovely greenery gets trampled and the washed out colour that multiple shades of plasticine turn to when mixed.

Mind you, real fresh conkers are the most beautiful tone…of brown.  And brown is the colour of chocolate, one of the best discoveries man ever made.

Chocolate is traditionally brown presumably due to the natural colouration of its main constituent, the cocoa bean.  But most other foodstuffs can be coloured so why not chocolate?

And I know by now you are probably screaming at the screen that white chocolate is as common as the Milky Bar Kid in a top ten list of cheesy, spectacled children in TV adverts.  But one alternative, sickly option is hardly a rainbow of choice.

Why can’t we buy red, blue or even purple chocolate?

Why isn’t a Terrys Chocolate Orange orange?

Terry's Chocolate Orange
A Terry’s Chocolate Orange.  The rare brown version

Kids would go crazy for the new hues, tempting them back into a snack that has been increasingly sidelined due to the modern obsession with skinny [I think chubby oiks are like that due to lack of exercise more than bad diet].

So Cadburys, Nestle, Terrys et al get your cochineal out and colour that choc.

Incidentally, I’ll know when my idea has fully matured.  Not when I can get strawberry chocolate in red but when I can specify my own shade.

And at that point I’ll choose fresh conker.  A gorgeous mix of browns.

Author: Vince Poynter
From the Ideas and Food sections of the vinceunlimited.co.uk website dated 5 Jun 2018
First Published:
 Version 2.03 in Apr 2006

The vinceunlimited Room 101 Choices

The Worst Things Known to Man

Why 101?

The phrase ‘Top Ten’ is fairly commonly known.  Immediately on hearing this phrase the reader expects to read about the very finest.

Accordingly, the ‘Bottom Ten’ may infer the opposite, a list of such incongruous hideosity that only an Estate Agent wearing brown would be prepared to accept the contents.

George Orwell recognised, in his 1948 novel 1984, that the very worst was harboured deep within every person and suggested that this was to be found in Room 101.

He never told us what lurked in Room 102.  I suspect it may have been the 1971 Datsun Cherry Coupe.

Television took up Orwell’s theme and under the current [2006] stewardship of Paul Merton, produced a programme that allows guest celebrities to nit-pick the achievements and habits of others and ‘consign’ them to this fictitious centenary room.

I too will list out the worst offenders but have trouble confining the list to just ten.  That makes me a pessimist and shows I lack decisiveness.  In fact two qualities that should be in the Room!

But there are far better candidates.

Far Better Candidates

My first thought was that Room 101 should be in the room.

Wouldn’t life be so much nicer if there were no horrid things at all?

But then I pondered the fact that without dark there is no light, without pain there is no pleasure and without chocolate there is no point in living.

So then I thought that maybe just the door of Room 101 should be in The Room but this made me all existential and I had to meditate for a quarter of an hour.

So I decided that instead of placing all the most evil things in there I could send in some nice things.

I thought a mini-bar and salmon sandwich vending machine might be nice, along with a down-feather bed and TV with fresh batteries in the remote.  With all these little essentials sent into Room 101 it wouldn’t be so bad.

And if the list can have anything why not consign an exit door to The Room, then one could leave as soon as one entered.

But then I got all existential again and had to have a lie down.


Numero Uno – Smoking

The first item I must send to the one way room, without question, would be smoking.

And anything to do with this most rancid of pathetic habits, such as ashtrays, butt-ends, the stench that permeates everything and smokers themselves.

Now I know that this will thin out the populous somewhat and may remove many people who I know and love dearly [Yes. You mum!] so I would give an amnesty to anyone who gives up completely with immediate effect, then burns all their clothes, rugs, curtains, car headlining etc.

And don’t give me any tush about smoking in private places or wide open areas.  If everyone gave up, in time, we could smell out a smoker on the plains of Nullarbor.  When in France.

And the next time someone users the phrase ‘I’m just a Social Smoker’, I’ll reply “Is that like being a Social Paedophile?”  Then I’ll hit them.

P.S. This includes all forms of tobacco consumption and any stinky inhalation.  So no good claiming you are Jack Hargreaves, Winston Churchill or twittering on about the beneficial uses of cannabis.

If it alleviates pain then it should come from the doctor – in a tablet.


Two, Two – Trains

This section could open up a whole railroad of whinging and there are some that might put the whole rail industry in.

I’m not an advocate of such draconian measures as I think the rail system is a fantastic piece of engineering and so complex in its entirety it is hardly surprising that there are some rogue elements.

However a few things really bug me and I’ve selected small train seats.

To clarify, that is small seats on trains not seats on small trains.

We all live in an ever expanding universe and to be frank most of the population are a living microcosm of this procedure so the general population is now, let’s not beat around the bush, chubby.  No, let’s step right through the bush and out the other side – People are getting fat.  In fact so fat that I was going to confine them to Room 101 but they just wouldn’t get through the door.

As a result public train seats [are there any private trains?] should be more generously accommodating, not the width of a ten-year old girl addicted to vomiting.

Which leads me neatly into my next selection.


Three – Peanut Butter

It comes as some testament to a food product that it can make this list ahead of any other spicy concoction in the entire world.

In fact, if you look at this list carefully you won’t even find hunger.  I actually rank eating peanut butter worse than starvation!

Does anyone truly like the taste of this sickly, off-orange paste that masquerades as a luxury sandwich spread?

I personally think it is the worst thing to have ever passed between my lips – in either direction.

The obnoxious stench is about the only thing that is worse than stale smoke.

It cannot possibly be good for you, so isn’t it time some University did some research to link it to a disease so we can rid of it altogether?


Four – Bullies

Although the previous selection may divide some quarters of the community this choice should be universally applauded.

No one likes a bully, not even bullies themselves.

Personally I despise them so much I am unable to write anything humorous or clever about them.

They don’t deserve the wear on my keyboard.


Five – Photos of Children

Image of a light blue Peugeot 406 coupe travelling on a road
Yes. Precisely. Exactly the sort of chubby ugliness we don’t want to be finding on the desk at work

Referring to keyboards links me nicely to work, for I work mainly in offices and it is here that I find my next selection for the exitless Room.

And I propose to place in this Room all pictures of children posted in a workplace.

This isn’t because of some misplaced anti-paedo thing but the fact that a cutesy picture of little Lucy may be the bee-knees to its parent but to all others it is just a picture of a snotty-nosed, ugly little kid.

Most of these so called treasured items are pretty awful pictures that didn’t actually make it into the home family album because of the poor quality.  Often being washed out, out-of-focus and featuring the subject screwing up its nose.

If it isn’t good enough for the Tate then it’s tat and should be burnt.

The only redeeming facet of these atrocious snapshots is that they are better than the pathetic paintings that the kids do.

Despite what the mums and dads think most children are just talentless idiots whose idea of a house is a square with four windows, one placed in each corner extremity, and painted purple.

And if the defence is “He’s only five!” remind them that Beethoven was just seven when he first performed his own work in public.

And a final note – replacing the photo with the child itself is no better.

If you have just taken six months off to have a kid do not assume that all your female work colleagues want to see the sprog.

Remember that for the last six months they have all had to sweat buckets to cover for your prolonged absence, each doing more than ever before with no more pay but twice the stress.

You may have become adept at googling like a gibbering idiot but some still view new mothers as vacant Dormice with added sick patches.

Remember that the other girls are more interested in their latte cappuccinos and flirting outrageously with the photocopier engineer.

Much like you about a year ago.


Six – Parent and Child Parking Spaces

As if the paragraphs above were not enough to cause you to think I am not over keen on the smallest members of our society the inclusion of this subject into the Room may make you think again.

However, here I do not object to the users I am objecting to the suppliers.

A few years back one supermarket thought it a good advertising wheeze to include special Mother and Baby spaces to target that single group of potential shoppers.

The idea seemed morally sound as a designated space close to the door with good access for car loading was ideal.

The trouble was this marketing initiative wasn’t fully thought through.

The first problem is that success breeds copycat systems from all the competitors, so the original marketing initiative has now become a burdensome necessity.  Now it has become the norm so it is no longer an initiative.  All costs with the setting up, administration of the scheme and any negative issues have to be absorbed.

Another underlying problem, and here is where my gripe arises, is that by providing special access to one type of customer effectively sticks two fingers up at the rest.

I, like many other shoppers, am not in possession of a child so feel I am treated in a second-class way.

Why can’t I have a big parking space next to the door?  I have a big car that can be susceptible to damage from adjacent car doors and the store places signs up to offset responsibility so I want a big space.

Like many, I am in a hurry when shopping because I work and time is precious.  Why should all working people on tight timescales have to cross half an acre of car park, past all the mums who have all day to fiddle with their tot’s over-complex seat belt fixings.

Why should able bodied, but aged, pensioners have to walk further than young fit parents who actually have little wheeled vehicles to transport their bairns?

In fact some superstore layouts provide closer access for their parent and child schemes than for their disabled customers.

Praise be to the first Supermarket to get a grip and sort it out.


Seven – Hypocritical Censorship

My next subject to be dumped in the bin marked No Exit is the self-righteous, hypocritical nature of daily publications such as the Daily Mail/Mirror.

These papers are deeply riled that The Sun sells more papers than they do and try to set themselves above other Red Top rags by claiming morale high ground.

However their stance is severely undermined by the fact that they too are obsessed by the same subject as the rest of us – sex.

This means that these publications have eight page spreads decrying loosening moral standards in society then place huge pictures of sexy, semi-naked models on other pages for no reason other than titillation.

One reason The Sun outsells the others is because it is, in its way, more honest about it’s readership’s tastes.

However, I despair that here in the 21st Century, more than a hundred years since the stifling Regina Victoria died, we still pussyfoot about de-censuring nakedness and our best selling newspaper continues to use vacuous, airbrushed, topless women to help shift copy.

Why can’t papers such as the Daily Mail decide on one stance in the matter?

Either you hate any form of sexual expression, no matter how trivial, or you love to celebrate of the beauty of the human body.

Polarity is fine, but not in the same breath.

Every paper should decide where they stand and stick with their decision.


Eight – Geek Add-ons

Another form of censorship that would not exist in my ideal world would be electronic media that is only accessible by geeks and there are two prime contenders.

The first is electronic games with levels that are only accessed by proficient players.

If I pay fifty quid for a driving game I want to be able to drive all the cars, whenever I want.

I don’t want to have to go through multiple levels and earn my right to play parts of the game.  My fifty-quid gave me that right.

I don’t spend hours and hours playing and re-playing until my fingertips swell and eyes bleed.  I barely use the game more than once or twice so I want to drive the big fast Ferrari straight away – with the accessory chrome wheels fitted.

My second gripe is of a similar nature – DVD Easter Eggs.

This is the naff term used by DVD compilers for accessing sections of the disk that are not immediately available from the menu screens.

Some are so hidden that only geeks trawling specialised websites for input codes can access them.

For instance, did you know that if you hover your curser over Bruce Willis’ watch in the scene where he thumps Alan Rickman in Die Hard, then press FF, Skip, 865 you enter a special DVD section where you can access another twenty-six minutes of the helicopter gunship approach?

Try it.  Only it won’t work because I’ve just made all of that up to give you an idea of how exciting then infuriating it can be.

Let’s face it in my little way I have paid for those damn 26 minutes and I want it menued clearly when I first spin my disk.

Or rather, straight after that boring screen about piracy which you can’t fast-forward…oops.  I’m spiralling into another Room 101 entry there if I’m not careful.


Nine – Weather Forecasts

Another Room 101 entry is Weather Forecasts.

I acknowledge that I am English and therefore deeply and utterly obsessed about the weather.  However the profusion of forecasting is getting out of hand.

Whatever media form you use this black art is always prominent and in such detail.

I suggest that we never ever need to know the temperature, the humidity, the wind-speed, its direction and the pollen count.

Nobody ever says “Gosh the barometric pressure feels like one thousand and fifteen millibars today.  Must get outside and enjoy that with the wife tonight.”

All we ever need to know is – “Is it going to bloody rain?”


Ten – Ten

Why is it that we always have an obsession with number ten?

Okay, we have ten fingers and ten toes and our counting system is decimal.  But I refuse to let the obsession with ten rule.

Ten is to go in Room 101.

Which I suppose draws this list to an end.

Author: Vince Poynter
From the Top Ten section of the vinceunlimited.co.uk website dated 4 Jun 2018
First Published:
 Version 2.03 in Jun 2006
The photograph shows the author on a beach on the Isle Of Wight taken around summer 1964.  It was first added to the article in Version 3 in Mar 2010
The Room 101 [aka Room 101 – Extra Storage] TV programme is a BBC Comedy television series produced by Hat Trick Productions which is now on it’s twelfth series and is currently hosted by Frank Skinner.  George Orwell got the idea of describing Room 101 after a tedious meeting with the BBC in such a named room

Stephen Fry also proposed putting Room 101 into Room 101 during one of his appearances on the TV show.  I do not know when that was broadcast and was not aware of it at the time of my own comment
Notice my use of the phrase ‘twittering on’ in item one.  This has taken on a slightly revised meaning since the rise in use and popularity of Twitter.  However in this context no reference to posting on Twitter should be inferred.  Particularly as Twitter was only launched in March 2006.  Thankfully my phrases ‘whinging’, ‘googling’ and ‘gibbering’ have not come to mean anything else.  Except googling of course

According To Me

Another blog from the 2006 archives. My first mention of autonomous driving and the insurance implications…

A close up photograph of toy green classic mini in a rather tatty state with red overpainted opening doors, bonnet and roof with a blue circle logo on the door
The result of an accident between a car and a small child

I have just read about a development of a technology from one major car manufacturer that encompasses radar, cruise control and the ability to follow white line markings whilst steering to effectively allow the car to drive itself.

All these technologies are already produced but this car combines them all.

The car in question is a Honda Accord – the pensioners of Britain must be wetting themselves with glee.

All this relies on effective road marking of course but nobody has yet made that quantum leap into the future to envisage who might have to take responsibility should it all go pear-shaped.

Can we look forward to the accident case where the driver claims that he was not actually controlling the car, whereas the manufacturer will be pointing to some small print in their instructions whilst the insurance company attempts to blame the road maintenance companies?

All of which means the poor motorist that was crashed into will be a pensioner himself before he gets compensation.

All of which he’ll spend on a new Accord.

And the circle will continue ad infinitum…

Author: Vince Poynter
From the Petrolhead and Blog sections of the vinceunlimited.co.uk website dated 1 Jun 2018
First Published:
 Version 2.03 on 14 Jun 2006

Four From Two

Another blog from the 2006 archives.  Just as a previous Football World Cup was starting…

Have just completed some tidying up work on the latest version of my website so you should now be seeing this online.

You will note that it is still in the old version 2 format.  By now I had hoped that I could find enough time to create version 3, which will be the first to feature actual images.

As for four?  Three dimension?  Smellivision?  Touchscreen?  Who knows what I have planned?  I certainly don’t!

Note the date, one day before the start of the 2006 World Cup [Note to Americans – this is a ball sport that all the world participates in].

Given the hype that has been bandied about the tournament I feel my website may be lost if I don’t include the words football and Rooney.  Just as well they kicked in just then.

Mind you your average footy pundit, eager to find out the latest score might well be disappointed if he were searching for striker information and his search engine header came up with this site, bypassing more obvious places.

My site is more off the wall than offside.

However, the penalty for missing the official England site will be new fans of vinceunlimited, which is a goal I have set myself.

Mind you if too many fans pitch on my site and it crashes it will be an own goal so the referee is out on that one.

Author: Vince Poynter
From the Sports and Blog sections of the vinceunlimited.co.uk website dated 31 May 2018
First Published: Version 2.03 on 8 Jun 2006

Genius Rights

Another blog from the 2006 archives…

Recently the press has been wondering if Sir Paul McCartney ought to retain the major share of his fortune if his spilt with Lady McCartney [Heather Mills McCartney] results in an acrimonious divorce settlement.

The argument has been made that as Sir Paul is so obvious a genius in his given profession he should have the greater share of their accumulated wealth.

Personally, although so obviously in the genius category myself I find this argument uncomfortable.

I could sympathise with the view that his share was greater than hers when they met so future distribution of wealth should reflect this.

I might even be persuaded that his assets were more instrumental in increasing their wealth during their time together so this should be considered.

But to consider only on a subjective measurement of genius is fundamentally wrong.

After all, a successful businessman could equally argue that his money making talent is measurable in geniusness.

And what of Lady M?

Surely marrying a rich Beatle could be classed as an act of pure genius.


My own brand of genius emerged again today.

I have been tasked with assembling some notes about my client’s current business practices.  As part of this I have to jot down some ideas for efficiency improvements, a task that an idea’s man like me can relish.

However, to me, this raises interesting questions about intellectual property ownership.

Normally IP will reside with the company, provided such IP is undertaken by the company but my circumstances are slightly different.

As a self-employed man, working through a third party my role is fairly rigidly defined.

I am certainly not directly contracted to the company I am working in and have not been employed with my novel abilities in mind.  I am just contracted to do a standard day to day job efficiently.

So if I bring in my own brand of innovation the company I am working for will benefit unduly.  And you can be sure there is no process to reward such special talent.  I can’t even complete the company staff suggestion form and claim my pony because as a contractor I am ineligible.

But if I don’t exercise my full potential I will be cheating the world of my input.  This is why I’ll go only so far but not all out.

Again, my natural talents defused and demeaned.

So to my idea.  Well after all that it doesn’t seem so great.  They can have it.

In many ways you have just had the best bit.

Author: Vince Poynter
From the Blog section of the vinceunlimited.co.uk website dated 30 May 2018
First Published: Version 2.03 on 25 May 2006

In the end Sir Paul McCartney’s divorce settlement ended in 2008 with a payout of £24.3m [c.$50m] plus £35k annual childcare costs to Heather Mills [Lady McCartney], his former wife.  She had claimed £125m and Sir Paul wanted to settle at £15.8m.  I have no idea whether genius was considered.  For either party

Not Stirred

Thought for the day.

If the contents of a can instruct ‘Shake well before use’ does this mean shake thoroughly or does it mean a long time before using?

I worry about these things.

Just in case I’m going home to agitate all of my canisters – in case I might need them next week.

Author: Vince Poynter
From the Blog section of the vinceunlimited.co.uk website dated 29 May 2018
First Published: Version 2.02 on 7 Apr 2006

Not So Free

Another blog from the 2006 archives…

A close up photograph of a black and white rabbit
This is what a proper happy bunny should look like

Not a happy bunny today.

I have been thinking about an email that my illustrious ISP sent me last week.

From now on there is to be a ‘small change’ in the way that the account is charged.

Online time will now attract a nominal one pence or so per minute.

This may be relatively small beer but it is a huge principle.

Rising prices by one pee a minute is marginal but introducing a new charge from a previously free service is a fundamental sea-change.

I am powerless to stop it so will now be looking for an alternative. Any ideas?

Other than suggesting a small beer must be a good thing for an unhappy bunny.

Author: Vince Poynter
From the Blog section of the vinceunlimited.co.uk website dated 28 May 2018
First Published: Version 2.02 on 29 Mar 2006
Do you remember when it was common to pay for online time by the minute?  I was particularly miffed because the free to use ISP service that I was using at the time was branded as Freeserve and I thought that per minute charging was not exactly as ‘labelled on the tin’.  In fact Freeserve were bought by Wanadoo in 2000 and them by Orange in 2006.  I never knew this at the time and was still using ‘Freeserve’ and my Freeserve email at the time of posting.  I soon noticed the change to Wanadoo and Orange, as noted in my formal website vincepoynter.co.uk version 1.02 in Jun 2006  The future it seemed was indeed, as the advertising stated, Orange

The photograph shows a rabbit.  But you had already worked that out.  It was first added to the website in Version 3 in Mar 2010

No Flying Aircraft

Another blog from the archives…

A photograph of the back of my wife in a red tee-shirt and beige cap stood on a balcony just as a nine plane Red Arrows jet formation flies past, trailing their blue, white and red smoke
Lynda, dreaming of a fast jet ride in a Red Arrows display

Today, on one of my local radio stations [we seem to have so many nowadays] someone won a popular competition to spend a day with the RAF Red Arrows.

Ideally this would have been a chance for me to trounce the opposition with my witty entry and win this prize for my beloved.

She has always hankered after a high-octane ride with a naval airman but taking a seat with the Reds would tick most of her boxes.

However, presumably due to the elderly demographic audience of this particular station, the winner will never get to travel in an actual jet.  Instead the frustrating day would include attending a pre-flight briefing and chatting idly to the technicians.

How infuriating would that be? So close yet no banana.

It would be like winning the supermarket dash and finding all the shelves empty, or playing football at Anfield after the crowd has left, or visiting a lap dancing club and leaving before the bits are bared.

Intolerable.

Author: Vince Poynter
From the Blog section of the vinceunlimited.co.uk website dated 25 May 2018
First Published: Version 2.02 on 16 Mar 2006
The photograph shows my wife, Lynda, watching a Red Arrows display over Bournemouth beach at 3.00pm on 22 Aug 2009.   It was first added to the website in Version 3 in Mar 2010

Bad Blog

Another blog from the vinceunlimited website archives…

Been having trouble getting back into the blogging groove due to allowing the work/play balance to become decidedly unstable over the last few months, which explains the gap between entries becoming a colossus.

It didn’t help that I constructed an entry a couple of days ago then accidentally wiped it off my thumb drive.

But I am still here and raring to go.  Only I’ve got a sudden bout of writer’s block.

Or to put it in a less authoritarian way, can’t be arsed.

Which all makes this entry the most anti-climatic blog in the whole of web history.

Which, if you think about it, is actually quite interesting.

Were it to be true.

Author: Vince Poynter
From the Blog section of the vinceunlimited.co.uk website dated 24 May 2018
First Published: Version 2.02 on 15 Mar 2006

Bit Of A Gap

Another blog from the vinceunlimited website archives…

Hooray. I’m back.

It seems that I left you all alone for a while there, in fact nearly three months.  At this rate I’ll never make blogger of the year.

The reason for the absence has been, as it always is, work related.  I was assigned a fresh role that allowed me to work locally.  The lack of three or more hours a day commuting on a train meant that I never seemed to find time to update my site.

And there was you thinking that version 3.0 was about to be launched on an unsuspecting public.  Mind you, if you thought that the site was about to be launched then the public was not at all unsuspecting and better described as anticipatory.

But I diversify, as ever.

The break from writing my site hasn’t subdued my thoughts on what needs adding and updating and I’m always thinking about new ideas and concepts.  The only trouble is that by not getting them in print when I think about them can mean that others stumble on the idea.

For example I have been giving some thought recently to the idea that the baby boomer generation, who seem to run the world, may not accept death and we may all soon benefit from everlasting life.

After all this is the generation that invented youth culture, foreign holidaying for the masses, major home ownership, the dot com age, fame, celebrity, greed, modern fitness and leisure pursuits and now cosmetic surgery to keep their youth.

They are suppressing real youth by dissolving upcoming celebrity and sexualising and thus diminishing the young, both male and female.

They hold power positions, wealth, fame, patents and property.

They make the laws to suit themselves, hence the freedom of the eighties is being replaced with the ASBO and spy-camera culture of the current decade to protect them as they get older.

In short they believe the world is theirs and don’t want to pass it on, even to their own children.

Mark my word, the next ten years will see frantic developments in anti-ageing treatments and not just skin care products.  Plus huge rises in pensions including suggesting the young retire much later than they had to.

Unfortunately some of this content was also considered by a journalist writing in a real paper recently.  In Bryan Appleyard’s article in The Sunday Times on 27 November 2005 he discussed most of these points.  What a swizzle.

Down, if not out.

Still, there’s no point in dwelling on what ifs when there are a host of new ideas bubbling in the cauldron.  You never know, I might get some of them down in pixels by Christmas.

Christmas 2006 that is.  Have a festive one, Vince

Author: Vince Poynter
From the Blog section of the vinceunlimited.co.uk website dated 23 May 2018
First Published: Version 2.02 on 22 Dec 2005

Well Executed

Extract from my blog from 29 Sep 2005

Well the 2.02 version of the site was launched with the usual lack of fanfare and ticker-tape.

Compiling a site like this is a thankless task.

However, I’m in it for the long run and recognise that all this early effort will, one day, be recognised and appreciated in the way that it has been designed.

First up I had to reconfigure this blog section so that there were useful links to my past blog sections.

Now I’m all properly set to mesmerise you with my blogging thoughts.  This blogging lark* will prove to be useful to my regular readers as it may be some time before the next proper update is compiled.

There are three reasons for this.

Firstly I am being reassigned at work [no, not gender-wise] and need to settle into my new role in a professional manner, secondly I always plan to update bi-monthly to give myself a reasonable target and finally, because I want my next update to raise the game significantly.  More on this later if it comes to pass.

One reason for my re-assignment is the imminent conclusion of a current task that I have been working on for a client.

The last job to be done is create an Executive Summary compiling all the raw data that I have produced over the last few months.

Whilst doing this I was moved to consider why they are called Executive Summaries.  Surely an Executive, having achieved such a high rank, must be able to absorb facts and data in a manner better than others.

Therefore the summation should be entitled Idiot Summary.  I feel the fact that it isn’t proves the real ability of Executives.

Finally, I read in the papers today that a firm has developed a tracksuit for that automatically monitors performance and provides instructions to the wearer about training regimes and performance.

This reminded me that my intelligent shoes idea is not so far fetched.

*Is that related to other Larks I wonder?

Author: Vince Poynter
From the Blog section of the vinceunlimited.co.uk website dated 22 May 2018
First Published: Version 2.02 on 29 Sep 2005
The title photograph shows a screen grab from the vinceunlimited website, version 2.02. It was first added to the website in Version 3 on 29 Mar 2010

Intelligent Shoes

Thinking on your feet

The world of fashion footwear is a major business.  Each season top name manufacturers compete to produce more outlandish designs than their previous models and peers.  There must be millions spent each year on designs to wow an eager public and develop bold, innovative ways of capturing the cash of a world-wide audience.

So why is it that I can come up with a novel idea and offer it to anyone whom cares to patent it?  Along with suitable commissions of course.

It’s because I’m such a nice guy.

Although training shoes seem to have developed to their zenith there are still ways to make a version stand out from the crowd and like all good ideas it is just an amalgamation of two previously unconnected current products – hence easy to develop and market.

My idea is to mix footwear with pedometers.

Pedometers are simple counting devices that work by a weight shifting about on each movement.  After basic data is inputted the wearer of the device can calculate the distance covered and often more, such as calorie use and average speed.  All this data is important to an image conscious fitness fan.

And techno fans would love a pair of shoes with an inbuilt LCD panel.

Of course, restricting the idea to training shoes would be underusing the technology so a range of different shoes could include a mini-computer.

As is the pattern of idea development it is wise to consider the downsides.

Cost shouldn’t feature as pedometers often cost just a few pounds and shoes, in particular training versions, attract buyers even when the cost soars.

So the only downside is the potential big-brother factor.

Consider for a moment that the Post Office likes the idea and supplies all its postmen with versions.  The daily trips could be monitored.  Bonus paid on distances covered or deducted for skipping a street.  Although in fairness skipping does take more energy!  We already have spies in our vehicles do we want them on our feet?

And one last thought.  Could this develop into the chastity belt of the 21st century?

Develop the idea into other areas of clothing and put a monitor on the spouse’s underwear.  Then check when you get home how often they have been up and down.

Now, sex, that is a major business.

Author: Vince Poynter
From the Ideas section of the vinceunlimited.co.uk website dated 21 May 2018
First Published: Version 2.02 in Sep 2005
At the time of writing my idea was genuinely novel.  However with the passage of time the idea of attaching pedometers to sports shoes now seems commonplace.  In fact the first and most notable example of integration between sports footwear and a pedometer came in the form of the Nike+iPod Sports Kit which was announced on 23 May 2006 and released on 13 July 2006, three quarters of a year after I published my idea.  Coincidence?